Friday, 5 September 2008
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A Little Help for My Friends |
I’ve taken the liberty of writing down just a few special things that came up in my life last week. It was a long week. The list is a little lengthy, but I’m sure you’ll find much of it important in your own life. Maybe I should just make a career as an advice columnist, no? Enjoy!
You don’t “sale” a house. You sell a house. You don’t have trouble “saling” your house. You might have trouble sailing your boat, but you’ll get the hang of it pretty quickly. Selling your house right now is a bad idea in general, actually.
You know your cell phone has finished charging when it STOPS CHARGING. Usually this involves a completely filled-in battery icon. If you don’t know what a battery icon is, I can’t help you.
Thursday, 4 September 2008
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2008 Football Season |
Morning After Columns (Cowboys)
Morning After Columns (Others)
General Football-Related Columns
Let the games begin!
Last Year’s Football Talk Space
2008 Cowboys Game Schedule and Results
I encourage you to use the comments section below to discuss anything related to football. Don’t use the space to talk about how another team sucks unless you can tell us why and back it up. Pretend like you’re Al Michaels or John Madden. If you have something to say about someone else’s team, be ready to back it up. This section is not for flame wars and insults. It will be heavily moderated for topic (football) and temper. Just like last year.
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Let the games begin! |
Well another football season is upon us. Tonight the season starts with the New York Football Giants posing against the Washington Football Redskins. Ooh, I don’t know which team I hate worse. Maybe I’ll root for both of them. Welcome back, dear friends, to football season. Herein we shall review every Dallas game on The Morning After. Occasionally, another writer may post a morning after column regarding another team. But mainly, it focuses on Dallas’s season.
We will also discuss general football goings-on, like trades, injuries, who’s banging who, and all that other great celebrity gossip-type stuff you love so much. Orange you all excited to be back in the midst of our favorite season? Beer drinking, television watching, group gathering, chip eating… It’s all here!
Wednesday, 3 September 2008
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SpaceBrew Goes Mobile |
I know you’re all wondering why there was no column posted this morning. Well, so am I. Actually, I didn’t have anything prepared because most of the writers are slacking or on vacation or just don’t care about their jobs anymore. We’re about to do some major housecleaning here, folks. Let this be a warning to you SpaceBrew writers whose accounts have gone stale! Lay-offs are imminent!
Anyway, the reason I didn’t post was because I lay there last night thinking about my lovely readership, which has grown quite strong here of late. And I realize a lot more people are browsing the site on a mobile device these days. And since I care about each and every one of you, I decided I would spend the morning designing an alternate theme for the mobile browsers of the world. I even made it easy for you all. You don’t have to type in a different address, you don’t have to click some “Go Mobile” link or anything… You just show up.
That’s right. If you’re surfing the web on your iPhone or iPod touch, just visit spacebrew.com and check it out. Compacted and stripped nearly bare to save on your kilobytage and screen space. Now you can view the site the way you want to. Because you know that’s our motto here at SpaceBrew. Browse the Site the Way You Want To™
Screenshots (for those of you without iPhones): 1 · 2
Tuesday, 2 September 2008
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Scattershooting |
Just scattershooting while counting my money. Well that didn’t take long. Now on to more pressing matters. No, I’m not talking about ironing a shirt. We seem to have fallen off the commenting bandwagon again. What’s the point of writing if no one is reading? Granted what is written may not be worth reading but it’s damn sure worth commenting on either way. If if ain’t worth a shit, say so. If you like it, say so. If you disagree, say why. If you agree, list your number and we’ll set up a date. Godamighty, folks let’s hear it from you!
I find most of the writing on this site readable at the very least and always try to at least leave a thought provoking comment. Perhaps not insightful, but thought provolking. Or maybe argumentative but just the same a comment. It at least lets folks know they’ve been read. There just isn’t anything worse than grinding out a literary note and sending it into the void never to be heard of again. I’ve been cautioned not to write about politics as mine seem to be in the minority. I really can’t believe that since I live in a red state.
Monday, 1 September 2008
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Labor Day |
I guess I used to wonder why it was called Labor Day, but no more. Christ, I have to vacuum the pool, brush the pool table, the wifey likes it if I vacuum the carpet prior to everyone coming, and I kind of like the yard to be mowed and trimmed. Whew! That’s about two intensive labor days right there and I didn’t even get to the cooking yet.
To do a brisket justice one must plan ahead. I do the rub and then place it in a big turkey-sized cooking bag. Place that in the oven and set it to come on about one or two o’clock in the AM, at two hundred fifty degrees. When I get up around five I piddle around, read the newspaper, work the puzzle - carefully leaving a few thinkers for Space - and then I go out around eight and build the fire in the smoker. Once that’s going good I set the brisket to smoking, careful to monitor the tempreture to around three hundred degrees.
Friday, 29 August 2008
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Life Lessons from Space |
I figured since Shine is posting her series on “How to be a Good Girl”, I could help you fellas out from a male perspective. Now I must preface this with a disclaimer - I will not tell you how to be a “good boy” or anything gay like that. I’m not, nor have I ever been what anyone would call a “good boy”. I know nothing of it, and therefore cannot offer any words of advice in that direction. I can, however, tell you some things that might help you make it through life without being made fun of or getting your ass whipped too badly.
I also can’t promise you that I will have ten rules. I may or may not add to this list at some time in the future, but for now, be happy with the few rules you’re getting. And take these to heart. They’re coming from a tried and true bad boy with personal, first-hand knowledge on how well they work.
Thursday, 28 August 2008
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Cleanliness is Next to Manliness |
You know that guy at work (he’s usually Chinese) who you always catch brushing his teeth in the restroom? And you always almost crack a smile, thinking, “Heh. This idiot is bru–” then you stop short, realizing it’s actually probably a pretty damn good idea. So you keep your mouth shut. Well I have become that guy. Not Chinese. I bought a hygiene kit for work.
Well, they don’t actually sell hygiene kits - at least not that I’m aware of. I had to build my own. So I bought a school box for fifty-nine cents and loaded it full of goodies. You may be wondering why my box is pink. Well, apparently, girls don’t need school supplies as much as boys. Because the Retnec Repus Tram Law shelves are loaded with thousands of these pink pencil boxes. They don’t have any other colors. Not that I care what color my hygiene box is. I can decorate it with markers and stickers at a later date.
Wednesday, 27 August 2008
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I bid thee adieu… |
Ladies and Gentlemen,
I greatly enjoyed my time blogging for Moon’s Crater and SpaceBrew, but unfortunately my time here must come to a close. I posted a comedic blog about how I was fired from my job due to selling Mary Kay products to other officers at work. I had hopes of continuing to blog under a new assumed life, not as a police officer. That didn’t quite work out for me.
The truth is that I am still a police officer. I am still working for the same employer who hired me 14 years ago. I worked a very high profile case that required huge amounts of work and attention. I busted my butt on this case and put together a prosecution case that is so strong I will always take pride in my work on it. The problem was that the stress behind it all began to take a great toll on my health. My blood pressure became a problem that could not be controlled. I had great difficulty sleeping at night. My head of beautiful dark brown hair turned a salt-and-pepper grey. I was very quick-tempered, which was the worst problem of all. I’ve spent a career leaving my job at work, but I wasn’t able to do that here. I brought all that stress home with me. My wife and kids didn’t like me anymore. After numerous visits with my doctor, she told me that if I didn’t make a change in my life, I would be dead by the time I was 40. I’m only 37 years old. That was a wake-up call.
Tuesday, 26 August 2008
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Pool |
Commonly one would think splish splash when viewing the above title. Not so fast, river rats. This is the eight-ball-playing kind of pool I’m talking about. Why, you may wonder, would anyone want to talk about that? Well I got a pool table over the weekend so now you know. I picked this one up off my daughter’s boyfriend. They were moving and didn’t seem to have a room in the new abode so I made him an offer. Just like that, I have a pool table… making me wonder if my offer was a bit high.
Ah well, it’s kind of like family anyway so what’s a few dollars among friends? Not to mention after a few years’ intensive work and practice maybe I can win it back from him through bets on games. Anyway, did you know what’s involved in moving a frigging pool table? When I called a guy named “The Pool Table Guy”, really, I began to find out. Two hundred seventy-five dollars just to move it from there to here. After I saw what he and his helper had to go through though, it kind of made sense.
Monday, 25 August 2008
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I’m not a vegetable thief. |
I went to the doctor last week because of a sinus cold. While I was there I asked him if he- –wait no, it was a she. A hot doctor lady who looks kind of like a librarian, but you can tell she’s hot. Like that one in Road House. Anyway, I asked her if she could look at my plumbing, because I had a couple of tiny red spots on it. So I dropped my drawers and she quickly rolled back in her chair and said something about my having her peas. Whose peas?
Now my girlfriend was standing in the room with me. Well, she was sitting in the girlfriend chair over there. I looked back at her with a frown. My girlfriend doesn’t have any ‘peas’ that I know of. So the doctor couldn’t have been talking about hers. I asked her what she meant. She replied, “I think you might have her peas. Let’s take some blood and we’ll test you out.” She left the room quickly, hair blowing behind her like she was riding a white stallion into a milky orange sunset.
Friday, 22 August 2008
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More Life Lessons |
Lesson #9: Find Your Inner ’50s Housewife
I’m not saying you should be vacuuming with your high heels on and a martini in one hand for him when he gets home. At least, not with your clothes on.
Most of us, though, have some deeply hidden instinct to take care of our man, much as we may fight it. Make dinner on occasion. It doesn’t have to be a fancy four-course meal. Pasta and sauce with garlic bread and red wine is a staple. If you don’t cook, well, get some dinner and put it on plates. Or learn to cook one or two simple things. Really, they’re men. Mac & cheese is great!
Offer to get him a fresh beer when his glass is empty. It’s a small thing, but it’s nice and quite effective. The bonus is that he’ll likely get you a fresh drink when yours is empty, too.
Thursday, 21 August 2008
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In God We Trust |
I read a news article about a man who is suing the nation in an effort to try to get that simple little phrase removed from US currency. He says it represents a definitive stance on religious principles. Does it? There’s a live vote going on as I write this. Looks like so far about three quarters of us think it’s a patriotic and historically significant phrase and should be left alone. What do you think?
My opinion on this is simple. I’m all for the separation of church and state, and no, I don’t think people should have to say “under God” in the pledge of allegiance if they don’t want to. Whatev. But don’t amend it because of a few. Because this nation was founded under God originally. And here’s the other thing. Whether it’s crossing the line between separation of church and state is irrelevant. God is still over both church and state, last I checked. I mean, anyone who creates a universe has the right to run it however he deems fit, and everything in it is technically ‘under’ him, yeah? So whether or not you choose to accept it, speak it, acknowledge it, admit it or otherwise, God’s still pretty much the man. Church, state, city, farm, wherever.
Wednesday, 20 August 2008
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Mexican Malls |
I don’t know how it is in other parts of the country, but here in Chicago, Wal-Marts are Mexican Malls. If you doubt what I’m saying, walk into one on a Sunday afternoon and take a tally of who is shopping there. Mostly what you will find are Mexican men. I guess the women are at home cooking up tortilla chips or some shit. The men are buying groceries, mostly Coors Light… those people love that shit… car parts (usually those dumbass looking chromed plastic 3-blade windshield wipers) and just about everything you can imagine.
The reason I bring that up is that Saturday is the day to view the Latinas. Let me tell you, son, there are some hot ass Latinas out there. The problem is that they are really fucking hot… until they turn 16, then they hit the wall like Dale Earnhardt in a NASCAR race. You have to hit it and quit it really fast or it turns rotten like a 7-day orange. What sucks is that there’s this little legal grey area involved there, so use caution.
Tuesday, 19 August 2008
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The Long Good Night |
Well I’m back from the James Richards Memorial in good old Abilene. I was very happy to see so many in attendance. I was remarking the other day that when I die you can hold my service in a closet. There were a good number of folks there. I’d guess fifty to sixty. And what you need to remember is that this was the second memorial. The first was up in Colorado. This service was for all the Texas contiengent.
I saw several old friends there and got reaquainted with Bill Gaither whom I had met some years earlier through James. Bill is an artist also. He paints and sculpts and does all sorts of other art work. I’m looking forward to recieving his catalog and perhaps making an addition to my collection. What collection? Well I should say starting a collection then.
I hadn’t seen James’s brother and sister since they were children. Mike and Nancy, odd to place those memorable faces on what are now sixty-year-old folks but there they were. I recognized them at once, and they me. Strange how you don’t see old friends and are then thrown together by tragedy, and regret not having seen them in all those years, and then parting knowing you won’t see them again until another tragedy. Wow that was a long sentence but I had to get the entire thought out or I’d have forgotten it.
