All I want for Christmas…

Christmas is the season for giving. It’s better to give than to receive. Giving is the king’s – – you know what? That’s BS. All of these quips have one thing in common. They all involve giving stuff away. Well they have two things in common. They all involve someone receiving something. You can’t very well give something away without someone receiving it, right? Well I’m ready to be on the receiving end! That doesn’t sound good. But I’ve already made the joke, so I expect no comments containing jokes about me being “the receiver” and all that nonsense. It’s Christmas, people.

So I wasn’t going to complain, but now I think I am. Just a little. All of this giving is going on. And I’m doing quite a bit of it myself. SpaceBrew did really well this year, so I’ve been able to afford a few thousand dollars worth of stuff to give to family and friends. That doesn’t mean I want a seven-thousand dollar gift coming to me. (Well actually I wouldn’t complain…) But I would like a couple of little somethings to open. Yeah? Yeah. Is that so wrong?

So here’s my complaint: I’m not getting anything for Christmas. Let me elaborate. I’m not getting anything on Christmas day. It will be a week or so later that I get anything. My mother ordered me five or six things from my wishlist, which – by the way – has shrunk quite a bit. I’ve removed some things I got for my birthday. But she ordered me several of those pedals and the stand. Nice. They all came from the same site. Cool. She put in the wrong credit card information and fat-fingered the phone number so that when they tried to reach her about it they couldn’t get her by phone so they tried emailing her three times but she didn’t check her email for nine days so she didn’t know until yesterday that she’d gotten it wrong and therefore they canceled the order. Not cool. So my Pops got on the phone and said hey go ahead and reprocess the order and send it next day. “Well sir tomorrow is technically a holiday so we can’t even get it there until early next week.” Yeah. Well that’s okay. Christmas is on a Sunday. Early next week? Monday? Tuesday? I’m okay with that. Except that I’ll be in SANDY FREAKIN’ EGGO!

I won’t get back until the 30th. And it’s not so bad not getting things. I know a lot of people aren’t getting Christmas gifts this year. And my heart goes out to them. But what’s worse – not getting something, or getting something – getting a list on Christmas day telling you what you’re getting, and then having to fly out of town for a week knowing you can’t open it until you get back? This is worse, trust me.

Here’s another one. My wife ordered me a brilliant gift. Kick ass. She put in all the right info. She checked the UPS tracking system and it says delivered. To 804 Meadow Creek Drive. In Irving. My address is 1313 SpaceBrew Court. In Flower Mound. Well you know that’s not really my address, but it does illustrate the true difference between what was put on the order and where it was delivered. And yes that really is the real delivery address. I can see someone across the street getting it. But someone at a different road name and number? In a different city? What the effing eff is that all about?

So all this was probably meant to teach me a lesson about Christmas. And, I uh don’t have any idea what that message might be. But it’s a sucky one. All I know is that (even though it will be a crappy week of waiting) I’ll be happy as a pig in mud opening all my New Year’s Gifts while everyone sits around watching. Not opening anything. There could be something positive to this after all. Happy New Year, everybody!


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4 Responses

  1. trumby says:

    Can you rename your column to “All I want for the Holidays”? The word Christmas may be offensive to some people. Meh, let them be offended!

    Here’s something worse, having to wait until New Years Day to open your gifts only to find out they weren’t exactly what you wanted and having to return them and wait even more. Dude, I hope i didn’t just totally jinx your New Years.

  2. Space says:

    That would be a sign. Like an omen.

    I have lost a little respect for a certain mail carrier now, for sure. One should probably refrain from asking me any time soon what brown can do for me.

  3. Kay Ray says:

    I just like cash!! screw the gifts.. don’t spend anytime shopping in the malls, online etc.. COLD HARD CASH BABY!!!!

    My sister sent me a package with pictures of my niece and some really cool cd’s.. NEVER GOT IT!!!

  4. Flavio Q Crunk says:

    I hate the mail. What’d it ever do for me?

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