We’ve all read about it happening to someone – hell someone even posted a picture of his shitty drawers in these here forums not too long ago. But has anyone ever seen it happen to someone besides themselves? I’d hope to God that no, none of us has. Well, I hadn’t. Until just now.
I went to the restroom and stepped up to the middle urinal, since the other two were in use. And I’m minding my own business when the guy to my right rips open a serious block of bad air, and I turn to look at him with a look of ‘damn, have you no decency’ mixed with ‘wtf – that sounded shitty’. And immediately, he makes a grunt sound – not like when you’re shitting, but like umf when you are trying to stop yourself from shitting. And suddenly he’s standing up on almost his tiptoes and his posture is super perfect, staring directly at the shiny tiles in front of him.
He had a look of utter seriousness on his face that I’ve come to know well in my years of holding back shits. And that was exactly the look he had. “As soon as I finish this here piss, I’ll be wobbling over to the stall to take a colon blow.” I could almost feel for him. Until the smell hit me. I’ve smelled some bad shit. I’ve smelled rotting walruses on the beach. But this was worse. At the time and in the situation at hand, I’d have to say it’s worse.
I shook my dingle off and turned around, walking away toward the sinks. I washed my hands, trying to hold my breath, and then turned to make quick exodus. And I don’t know what strange force provoked me to look, but like a tractor beam, his ass pulled my vision in. And there, right in the crack on the lower part of his khakis, was a large brown wet stinking shit stain. I almost choked, and put my hand to my mouth, running the rest of the way out of the rest room, and exhaled forcefully outside, laughing and crying at the same time.
A coworker of mine came strolling by at that moment, heading to the bathroom. He saw me and said, “You okay?” I just nodded, squinting, hand still over my mouth. And as soon as he entered the bathroom, I heard him bust out laughing as he saw it, then he turned quickly around and headed back out. We had a good laugh as we made our way back to the office. But this poor dude has to make his way out of the building and down to his car – undetected. And he’s got the sight and smell against him.