Dude, that’s a lot of money.

So by now I’m sure you’ve all heard about the guy who walked into a bank here in Fort Worth, Texas with a check from his girlfriend’s mother. Not a big deal, I guess. People’s girlfriends’ mothers give checks to them all the time, right? To open a record company and whatnot, I mean. For 360 billion dollars.

Dude, I’m sorry, but I’ve never had a girlfriend whose parents liked me. My wife’s parents like me quite a bit. But if they had 360 billion dollars to spare, I doubt they’d write me a check for it. They might give me a million if they won the lottery or something. To take care of their daughter and grandchild, right? Sounds logical. But 360 billion? From a girlfriend’s mom? Yeah. Sure. It’s believable. I mean, I’m a likeable guy, but – okay, enough on that.

Yeah, he's not high.My next point is that anyone who thinks it’s a bright idea to walk into a bank with a fraudulent check should do so with clean pockets. And by that, I mean he should probably leave his unlicensed firearm and his bag of weed at home. Just a suggestion. In case you do get caught, you know? Especially if you’re already baked out of your gourd and you just look guilty by default.

And then we come to the obvious catch in his idiocy. 360 billion dollars? Really? Did he think they would give him that much cash? Did he think he could carry that much cash? What, they’d just give him some bags and load up his car? What made him settle on that amount? Why not 150 million? Or 600 thousand? Or 10 billion? 360 billion? I mean, I count on my bank to keep that much in their vault just to cover my checking account and my wife’s ridiculous shoe fetish costs, but not all banks keep that much! I just can’t imagine his thinking. He must have been really, really (really, really) high. And to that, I say, “Pass that shit, dog!” I need to get hold of some of that shit.

Seriously, my faith in humanity has slipped a little because of – -you know what? No it hasn’t. It really can’t get much lower. This kind of news story just kind of makes me smirk and say, “I told you.”

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6 Responses

  1. I don’t mean to question this guys direction in life but, if you’ve got 360 billion in hand, why start a record company?

  2. Space says:

    That’s a damn fine point, Captain. This guy clearly has something bigger in mind.

    :munch:

  3. Becky Riles says:

    That really happened? I thought that was one of those fake news stories I heard. God what an idiot!

  4. You can buy a lot of malt liquor for eleventy billion dollars.

  5. St. Peter is at the Pearly Gates checking up on the people waiting to enter Heaven.

    He asks the next one in line, “So, who are you, and what did you do on Earth?”

    The fellow says, “I’m Barack Obama, and I was the first black to be elected President of the United States ”

    St. Peter says, “The U.S.? A black President? You gotta be kidding me!
    When did this happen?”

    And Obama says,
    “About twenty minutes ago.”

  6. Catina says:

    Bwhahahahahah!!!! (especially to the joke in the comments!)

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