Orange (Explosive) Candy

While sitting at the lake the other day, we had an interesting experience. I mean besides the BMW that drove by with the 20-inch low-profile spinners and the extra bassy speakers. My sister and her youngest boy were there. A couple of other friends had their kids there, and I had Callie. So all the kids were running around, getting in the water, splashing, shooting water guns and eating hot dogs. A good, relaxing time, it was.

Then my sister’s boy comes walking up with orange goop all over his mouth, face, neck and hands. Oh, hey, Evan, what you got there, pal? Well, it was a paintball. He had put it in his mouth and chomped down. It exploded, sending orange paint all over the place. Hey, at least it was orange, am I right? “Well why did you put a paintball in your mouth?” And his reply? “Well, I thought it was candy!”

So the boy had found “candy” on the dirty lake ground near the camp area. And, being unwrapped, I guess he thought someone had done all the dirty work for him already. “Oh, hey someone’s already opened it, it’s ready for me to eat!” This kid is seven years old. So yes, to answer your question, he’s old enough to know better. We didn’t bother to ask him what had made him think it was a good idea to eat strange unopened dirty candy off the ground, found in a public place.

What can you do? I just hope he doesn’t grow up to be the official food taster for a king or something.

I’ve put worse things in my mouth. When I was about his age, I tried to eat a live frog. There actually exists somewhere a photograph of me with a frog halfway in my mouth. I guess during the encounter, my mother thought it appropriate to run inside and get the camera before telling me to get the frog out of my mouth. Now I have all these warts in my mouth. Oh well. But I don’t think I ever picked up what I thought was candy in a public place, and popped it into my mouth.

I had a friend who fell for the old turd-in-the-hotdog gag. Gag is right! I don’t know if it really happened. I only heard him talking – well, bragging about it. Personally, I don’t think I’d even admit to that. I’d relay that story as something that “happened to a friend”. Kind of like I’m doing here… Um…

So tell me, friendly readers. What weird, gross and nasty things have you found in your mouths?

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7 Responses

  1. First of all, all candy colored objects should be eatable. That way we don’t have to waste our precious time teaching our kids not to eat pretty colored things they find in the dirt. Secondly we had the camera out to watch you play with the frog never suspecting you might want to eat the MF.

  2. Jeremy says:

    So….. how did the turd dog taste?

  3. Space says:

    Yeah, that really wasn’t me. But the frog did taste pretty good, from what I can recall. Imagine mixing a oatmeal cream pie with fish gizzard sauce, and serving it chilled with a little urine and salt.

  4. Becky Riles says:

    I am laughing so hard right now! Your turd in a hotdog thing almost choked me! YUCK I hope you dont really have warts in your mouth! :sick:

  5. Sah Sah says:

    LOL! First – nice reply Captain McRight!
    and yeah yeah yeah – it was my kid that ate the friggin paint ball :(

  6. Haycomet says:

    I licked an elbow once. It was an experiment. Supposedly a person cannot feel his/her elbow being licked. Oh, and just in case anyone is interested… it did taste like chicken.

  7. Haycomet says:

    I licked an elbow once. It was an experiment. Supposedly a person cannot feel his/her elbow being licked. Oh, and just in case anyone is interested… it did taste like chicken.

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