I’m not a vegetable thief.

I went to the doctor last week because of a sinus cold. While I was there I asked him if he- –wait no, it was a she. A hot doctor lady who looks kind of like a librarian, but you can tell she’s hot. Like that one in Road House. Anyway, I asked her if she could look at my plumbing, because I had a couple of tiny red spots on it. So I dropped my drawers and she quickly rolled back in her chair and said something about my having her peas. Whose peas?

Here are some sample peas.Now my girlfriend was standing in the room with me. Well, she was sitting in the girlfriend chair over there. I looked back at her with a frown. My girlfriend doesn’t have any ‘peas’ that I know of. So the doctor couldn’t have been talking about hers. I asked her what she meant. She replied, “I think you might have her peas. Let’s take some blood and we’ll test you out.” She left the room quickly, hair blowing behind her like she was riding a white stallion into a milky orange sunset.

The door slammed and I shook my head. “I don’t know what she’s talking about. Whose pease? Yours?” Two-Step shook her head, wide-eyed. I come to the doctor for a simple sinus infection, and I’m being accused of having someone else’s vegetables. This is ridiculous! Some nurse came in and stabbed me with a ten-inch needle and took three or four cups of my blood, then left in a huff. Whatever. So we left the doctor’s office.

Well I said all that to say this: they just called me about thirty minutes ago and said, “Well, you don’t have her peas.” I was like, “Yeah, I could have told you that shit last week! I don’t even eat them!” So just in case any of you are wondering, I don’t have anyone’s peas. I do plan to go purchase some tonight at the Retnec Repus Tram Law, though.

Over the weekend, we obeyed the weather men, who said to stay in because it would surely rain every day. This is one area I’m wondering why technology has begun to stagnate. Why can we not improve our weather forecasting methods? They said it would rain all weekend, and it only rained for about twenty minutes on one of the nights. How long have we been predicting weather? At least five or six years now. And we still haven’t gotten any better at it? It’s still hit and miss. It’s all a big guessing game.

Well on that note, I have decided to install a weather rock in my backyard. I’ll have at least as good a chance of getting it right as they do then. You heard it here, folks. Visit Spacebrew every morning for your weather forecasting needs. I may even setup a webcam so you can view the rock yourself. Who’s number one now?

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2 Responses

  1. While you’re over at Wally World pick up an Almanac. They predict the weather for the whole fucking year.

  2. Almanacs are maps, dumbass.

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