You know that guy at work (he’s usually Chinese) who you always catch brushing his teeth in the restroom? And you always almost crack a smile, thinking, “Heh. This idiot is bru–” then you stop short, realizing it’s actually probably a pretty damn good idea. So you keep your mouth shut. Well I have become that guy. Not Chinese. I bought a hygiene kit for work.
Well, they don’t actually sell hygiene kits – at least not that I’m aware of. I had to build my own. So I bought a school box for fifty-nine cents and loaded it full of goodies. You may be wondering why my box is pink. Well, apparently, girls don’t need school supplies as much as boys. Because the Retnec Repus Tram Law shelves are loaded with thousands of these pink pencil boxes. They don’t have any other colors. Not that I care what color my hygiene box is. I can decorate it with markers and stickers at a later date.
So I got a toothbrush and some toothpaste (Crest®, whitening® with Scope®)®, and some of those Good Toothpicks® that have the little Floss Thing® in them. I also put some special little goodies in the box so that when I go into the restroom I can make myself completely clean. But as I was standing there flossing and brushing, and just generally becoming very hygieney this afternoon, feeling proud, I started wondering something. How come they don’t sell masculine napkins?
Seriously! I always see feminine napkins at the store, but they don’t sell masculine ones. I needed some napkins for my desk, for when I make lunches and whatnot. Well, since they were apparently out of the masculine ones, I went ahead and picked up a package of feminine napkins for the interim. Hell, I figured I already have a pink hygiene box. Why not get the girl napkins? Makes sense to me.
So I was eating a sandwich earlier when my boss came by and sat in my guest chair to talk to me. I finished up a bite and began wiping my mouth with one of my special napkins. He looked at me with this very detached and disbelieving look. “What?” I said. “Uh, nothing.” People just don’t appreciate cleanliness.