You all know that October is National Domestic Violence Month, right? Yeah. I don’t personally condone it, but it is a nationally recognized moniker for the month. So who am I to go against the rules? I do live in this society, I should abide by its standards. Sigh. So who are you going to abuse? Now remember, it has to be ‘domestic’, which means someone you live with. Yeah. I was thinking my sister-in-law, but I don’t live with her, so that’s out.
I know, I know, you’re telling me that domestic violence isn’t funny and I shouldn’t joke about such a sensitive subject. I say Bullshit! We have an entire month here (and it’s one of the long ones!) that we’re supposed to recognize and respect domestic violence!
So let’s talk about some other things that are going to happen this month. Number one, and this one is most important to me, Stella is back! Seriously, I’m psyched about this, because I’ve seen a bunch of her writing already, and it’s all good. If you’ve read her other columns on file here, you’ve at least grown to like her. But these new ones will make you love her. God, she’s gotten cynical!
She got back in touch with me recently through the comments forum and we’ve been emailing back and forth since then. I asked her if she wanted to come back to write for us and she said, “And I quote, “Of course!!! Tell me what to do.” End quote”. She didn’t say the quote parts. I said those. But seriously? She was just sitting there waiting for me to invite her back. So she logged on and submitted five columns the same day. These will be published over the next four Thursdays, since one has already come and gone. FIVE. Yeah, she has another blog, whence I’m sure she got these. But that’s okay. They’ll be read here.
Also happening this month is the next installment of the SpaceBrew Scroll! Yeah I’m not that excited about it either. And actually, I may scratch it.
Another thing that will happen this month: I submit my edited manuscript to a publisher. Not to be considered. To be sold to a large publishing company. Yeah. They’re shopping my first two novels as well as two of my short stories to some big ass publication companies. This small publishing company is therefore sort of acting like my agent. Oh, well not on the shorts. They’re publishing those themselves. Damn that was a lot of pronouns right there.
Thirdly, the next thing that happens this glorious month is the Wilson Phillips “Hold On / Release Me” Reunion. I hear the whole band will be there with special guest, Morris Day and the Time. Pretty exciting shit right there. Almost as exciting as when Peter Cetera came to town opening for Richard Marx. You know I played his drum set once? True story.
Then of course, we have the dreaded shitty holiday we all refer to as a holiday even though it’s not technically really a holiday at all, as far as holidays go. Seriously. If you’re going to call it a holiday, shouldn’t we get it off from work? And I am talking, of course, about Halloween. All right, I need a rolleyes break.
There. Much better. This year, all the kids coming to my door are getting tricks. I’m thinking either a nice card trick or the sliding the tip of my thumb off trick. That usually gets a pretty good response. I ain’t handing out treats though. I’m tired of the sixteen-year-olds coming to my door asking for free candy. Not even in costumes. And no moms and dads getting candy either. Ooh, except for that woman last year who was dressed as a devil!
Oh, you didn’t hear about that? Yeah, this woman, she was older, like maybe late thirties or something, comes up with a little boy. And – well, forget about the kid. No one cares. The point is the mom was wearing a devil costume, which was pretty hot. No pun intended. Seriously. But yeah, she was holding onto both of his hands and he was sort of walking on her feet, facing forward. You know. So when they got up to the bucket, she bent over to talk to him in his ear. Her blouse was pretty loose, and she was just hanging around in there like she had nothing to do. (Sorry, I couldn’t think of a better simile on the spot.)
Anyway, yeah, I’m giving out tricks this year. They do after all, give you the choice of what to give them. How arrogant is that, by the way? That’s like walking up to someone’s house and saying, “Twenty dollars or a peek at your boobs!” and they have to choose one of those things and give it to you. That actually doesn’t sound bad. Perhaps we shall supersede the present rules of Halloween with our own SpaceBrew Special™ rules, in which we are allowed to request any two things we want. Well, the only limit, obviously is that one has to be abstract. Like showing the boobs. You have to give them a way to give you your “trick” so they aren’t out any cash or anything material. Showing the boobs is always free. All right. So I guess I’ll get on the horn and call this request in to the National Holiday Rules Recognition Committee.
Have a good October, friends.