Have I ever told you about how I lost my virginity? Well, it’s not the actual misplacement of my chastity that makes for an interesting story. Obviously, I could go into details about what happened in my pickup that night down by the lake, but really – you’ve probably heard very similar stories already. And heck, you may even have one of your own! Suffice it to say that it happened, and certain parts went certain places just like you imagine, certain motions were made (as were certain faces), then I very kindly told her she needed to get out of the vehicle and find a way home. I also explained to her that if I did indeed find her undergarments somewhere in the vehicle, I would mail them to her at a later date. See, you’ve all heard the story, and I’m not really interested in trying to prove to you that I actually did, in fact, get laid. Trust me. I’ve got two kids. I’ve done it a couple of times.
Anyway, the interesting story here is the events that led up to the main event, so to speak. How did you meet your first lover? (cheap date, one-night stander, whatever you want to call him/her) Well here’s how I met mine.
I was chilling in my bedroom one night – I still lived at home (obviously, I mean I was only fifteen) when all of a sudden my phone rang. Now I’m not just talking about any phone here, peeps. No, this was a Garfield phone. Hell yes, and I was able to find an image of the actual phone on the internet. Well, I’m sure it’s not a picture of my phone, but it’s the exact same model. And yes, when you pick up the receiver, the eyes open. Totally awesome, considering it’s based off a character that is a cat. Anyway, I answered the phone. I almost never answer it with some normal gay-ass greeting. I usually say something cool. And this time was no different. I said, “Hello?”
“Hey there! Tee hee hee, tee hee hee! OMG LOL!” It was a couple of chicks who sounded about my age. All right! Well I started talking to them, having no idea who they were. And finally discovered it had started out as a prank call. They had just been dialing numbers for the last hour trying to reach anyone cool to whom they could talk. Little did they know, they had just made a call to… Space.
I’m sure every guy that age wishes he would get that very call. A prank call from a bunch of chicks just having fun and being girly. Well, things led to things. Chelsea was the one I was interested in on the phone. There was also Christy. And some chick named Alicia was floating around in there somewhere, getting on the phone less than the others, but she had a boyfriend. Anyway, we talked for about an hour, I think, the girls giggling and getting excited, and me with one thing on my mind: grape-flavored Pez.
Well we traded phone numbers – they obviously didn’t remember what number they had dialed – and I asked where they lived. I rode my bike out there a few days later (maybe the next day) and met these supposed prank-calling chicks. Well here’s the setup: Chelsea was every bit as cute as she sounded on the phone. Not gorgeous by any means, but she looked like she’d be fun. And like I said, she was cute. I was definitely interested in her. Well, she really didn’t end up being interested in me. Christy was the other main one on the phone. And now that I think about it, I remember it being like a week or so of my talking to her on the phone, just chatting away into the night. I was sort of interested in her a little bit, but not as much as Chelsea. And Christy was way interested in me. Now I’d like to tell you that the world is a wonderful place full of kind, precious humanity. I’d like to tell you that the Hindenberg didn’t really go down in flames, killing over nine thousand people. I’d like to tell you that there are no conspiracies going on in the White House. And I’d also like to tell you that Christy was hot.
It was Christy Turlington.
See? See how awesome that would be if I could tell you that? Well, it wasn’t to be. Let’s just say that – well, uh, let’s just say that my little interest in Christy shifted entirely to full-on Chelsea lust. But that wasn’t to be either, because she was probably saying the same things about me as I’m saying about Christy. Well, except the part about me being as big as a trailer. I doubt she was saying that.
Okay, so I lost all possible interest in Christy immediately. She could have just come out and told me on the phone that she was not my type, and saved my time. I mean, I pedaled all the way out to this chick’s house in another town, about six miles away. Not that big of a deal, but dude, it wasn’t a ten-speed. It was a Diamond Back Silver Streak. A stunt bike. Not good for long distances. But then, had she saved me the time, I’d never have met my first luvah.
Well I hung out for a while, and after an hour or so, I noticed that, son of a bitch, that Alicia chick (you know, the one with the boyfriend) was really pretty. I mean, like hotter than Chelsea and Chr- hotter than Chelsea. And she had mammoth breasts. I started looking at her more and more, and – well, I caught her looking at me a few times with a twinkle in her eye. I thought about posting a high school picture of her here, because I still have one – but in the end I decided it would be just a little bit tacky. I’ll just let you imagine. But trust me, fellas. She was nice looking. Really, really pretty girl. (With really, really pretty boobs. )
Well, that’s about it. I started talking to her, and it turned into many late nights on the phone until she finally said the word, I went and grabbed the keys to my truck and said, “Pop, I’m gonna run out and tag this sweety pie. I’m taking the truck.” See, I had my permit, which meant I was supposed to drive with an adult in the car. Well, this night, I was going to drive without an adult in the truck. Because within the hour, I would be an adult myself. Heh. Hellz yeah.
So now you know the pretty cool story of how I ended up losing my innocence. Like I said, the sex was meh – I don’t remember. Not important. What was cool though was that what started out to be a couple of chicks having fun on the phone ended up starting the precipitation of a chain of events that would change several people’s lives. I hope others have stories that awesome to share. If you do, share them below, or in the forums! I’d love to hear them.