Interview With a Feminist

For a long time, I’ve been friends with Stella, who is a true, bona fide, self-proclaimed feminist. But we’ve never really talked about it. Most of what we talk about is about more important things, namely, things centered more around manly things. So what exactly is a feminist, and what do they believe in? Do they really honestly expect people to believe that women should be treated as man’s equal? Ha! Oh. Yeah, apparently they do. So we here at SpaceBrew, in the ever-endeavor to get to the bottom of humanity and its insane ways, have decided to do a little research into one of the biggest problems plaguing our civilization: the women’s liberation movement. (Sorry, Stella, my shift key broke there, or I’d have capitalized all that.)

So I sent some interview-like questions to Sean and she replied, myspace interview style, in an effort to better educate us. Ever the good sport, she didn’t get terribly upset at the insults I hurled at her. She just accepted that she is a woman, and therefore, my inferior, and sort of just took it in good spirit. Before posting this column, I actually allowed her to read all my parts as well as her answers, all in context. At the bottom of the column, I gave her a ‘final word’ area, where she can comment on anything that didn’t appear in the questions I sent her.

Okay, so let’s get started! When I originally sent this questionnaire to her, I really was interested in learning what made a woman a feminist. Because, sure, all women believe they should be our equals. But what makes one a feminist? And for our co-authored bi-weekly column, she wanted to do a piece on the different points of view we share on a similar subject. Gender-based differences in perception. Well I pondered it for days and days and couldn’t come up with anything worth putting on screen. So we went with this. So here’s question one.

Why do you think you should be men’s equals, when you’re clearly not as strong?

Sigh. Already with this? Can you not ask me a non-biased question? Perhaps you should get a woman to ask the questions. It’s not that we want to be your equals. We don’t want to be as strong as men, though some of us are. (Have you seen the Russian women’s gymnast team?) We don’t want to look like men, though some of us do “need to shave”. We just want our voices recognized as equal in the political sense.

There are many women’s liberation movements. I think it’s important to note here that I am not a radical feminist.

Do you honestly believe women should be paid the same as men for the same jobs, when you know that every four weeks you’re going to have to take more breaks because of your cycle?

That’s ridiculous. Women are advancing in this area already. There are many industries where women still don’t make the same money as men for the same position. But it’s less and less evident. Our monthly cycle has nothing to do with more breaks. They make feminine hygiene products that take care of those issues.

How come no woman has ever invented anything? Look at all the greatest achievements of the 20th century: the telephone was invented by Alexander Bell; the automobile by Henry Ford; the Internet by Al Gore; Rice Krispies were invented by Roger Kellogg. All men, mind you.

You’re right. Women have never invented anything. Just a quick Google search yields some pretty impressive results, Space. The circular saw. The dishwasher (bite your tongue!). The muffler, the fire escape, Kevlar, and the windshield wiper. Clearly, some of these have made the world a better place.

If Hillary would have won the presidential race, what changes would we have noticed strictly because of the fact that she’s a woman?

Fair question. Without divulging my political stance, I will say that stripped completely of everything but the gender-based side of that question, I think she would have made a fine leader.

Now, having her responses back, I can make my final remarks. I’d just like to point out that some of the other things women invented are the rolling pin, a baby carrier, an ironing board, and fabric protector. These are all obviously things that make their jobs easier in the kitchen, and around the house, where they belong. They also invented liquid paper. I, uh… I don’t even need to comment on that. I was talking about inventions that made the world a better place. I guess the circular saw is a pretty good one. But I’m betting she had some input from a man on that one. So any final words, Stella?

Haha, first of all, no I didn’t accept that I am a woman, your inferior. I accepted that since you own the website and hardly take anything you write seriously that you would probably turn this into a mockery of feminists and women’s lib in general. And that’s okay. Everyone knows we’re the more important sex. And I know I can get Space to agree with that, because of one word. Without that one word, where would men be? That word is “boobs”.

I’m not sure what you really achieved here with this, except to make yourself look pretty foolish. But it made me giggle, so I’m okay with it.

Well, that wraps it up for this week. Maybe, depending on how well this goes over, we’ll do another installment, or let Stella interview a true chauvinist. Have a good weekend everyone. Yes, you too, women.


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6 Responses

  1. Becky Riles says:

    You’re terrible, Space!!! Lol

  2. Steppy says:

    I have to agree with you Stella. Women are the most important sex, and not only for their “boobs”. Women invented the rolling pin so that we can knock some sense into you men when needed. See we are smart after all. :)

  3. Women you are and always will be the smarter sex… as long as you continue to let us men have sex with you.

  4. Moonshine says:

    Ah, the internets. Thanks Al!

  5. Space says:

    Sex? Sex isn’t all that important. Just keep having boobs and all will be fine. Then you can call yourselves whatever you want.

  6. Buck-O says:

    A few observations here. First, I had no idea the muffler was invented by a woman. That’s quite impressive. But can that invention be taken seriously when it’s clearly named after their muff?

    Second, in defense of women, DNA was discovered by a woman. Hands down, that is pretty bad ass.

    Thirdly, how can Stella be a true feminist when she is married? Clearly she has opined that man is greater and she is better because of him. The Indigo girls would give you a big thumbs down now.

    This is all meaningless and not my true opinion, but I gotta ask…

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