You always hear people asking, “Why do drive-up ATMs have Braille on the buttons? Do they think blind people will be driving? LOL”. But my question is far more simple. Why do ATMs have Braille on them? Do they think blind people will be pulling out cash? The buttons don’t have assigned functions and values, and their purpose changes with every option you select. So how would a blind person know when to hit which button?
It seems we as humans are advancing technologically into areas our parents’ generation only dreamed of. There’s that damn preposition at the end of my sentence again. But at the same time, we’re getting dumber and dumber. Think about it. Do you know any rocket scientists, personally? Do you know anyone who actually has contributed something to the technology revolution? It’s sort of just something that happens when we put our minds together. Yet, I don’t know any single individual who isn’t susceptible to being an idiot sometimes.
This is the same science that makes people think it’s smart to put their children’s names all over their back windshields. TOMMY #13 FOOTBALL. Or MYKYNZY – CHEERLEADER! Or even MY CHILD IS AN HONOR STUDENT AT HARRY COX ELEMENTARY. Really? And you think that makes your child better than anyone else’s? Just askin. Because if not, then why brag about it? You think people on the highway – 99% of them who don’t know you, by the way – care that your child is doing well in school? Trust me. No one cares. It just makes you look like a douche. And no one cares that your kid plays the oboe for Mike Oxmall High School, either.
I saw one the other day – actually I see it all the time, because the woman lives on the street behind mine – where the woman has her daughter’s name and that she’s a cheerleader. And in the middle of the back windshield in big letters it says the woman’s home business name. Which is her full name. Like, “JANICE DIXON’S ACCOUNTING” or whatever. And then it has her phone number. Great. So now, everyone knows you have a high-school-age daughter who’s a cheerleader. We know her first and last name, and a phone number. Seriously people? Shouldn’t you be a little more protective of your children?
It’s also the same science that makes people erect the most ridiculous signs. Like, “Observe Warning Signs – State Law.” And how about this gem: “Stop on Red! The life you save may be your own!” Sigh. Okay so you’ve got some real stupid mother cobblers out there who think they can run the reds. They’re above the law. But some sign reminding them that they should follow the law is going to change their minds? That’s like posting a sign in front of a bank that says, “REMEMBER: It’s against the law to rob banks!”
I’ve never understood why we have to have signs that tell people to read the signs that already exist. Isn’t that a little bit like the “Obey This Sign” sign? I also still see so many of those ATM Machine Inside signs it makes my head hurt. Another one that has always pissed me off a little is at my old school, there was a semi-circle drive for dropping off the students. At the entrance, it said “Entrance Only” and the exit, similarly, had an “Exit Only” sign. The only problem was they were facing you if you were driving the right direction. So if you tried to go out the entrance, for instance, you wouldn’t even see the sign. I mentioned it to the principal one time and said, “Dude, just turn the signs around!” and he tried to suspend me for threatening destruction of school property, or at the very least, grafitti. Seriously?
I guess of all the stupid signs I’ve seen in my life, my favorite one would be the sign that serves absolutely no purpose except to tell people it’s there. There was a bank in my home town that had one of these in its parking lot. There were two poles, between which there was a chain, and on that chain was this sign. That said how high it was. Like “8 Foot Clearance” or whatever. Okay. So you erected this system to hang a sign that tells people how high the sign is. That’s quite a bit like the sign that reads “This Sign Has Sharp Edges”. Okay, thanks.
Slow Children Playing is another one. I’ve never understood why they can’t use punctuation on signs. Really, it changes the whole meaning of the sign! When they say Slow Children Playing, what does it mean to you? It could mean either of two things, but they’re assuming you’ll make the right connection. No. Why not put a bang in there? Slow! Children Playing! Or even using a verb here and there? Like Slow! Children Are Playing! Or Children Might Be Playing! I think they ought to just end it all and get cynical with the signs, based on how apathetic and idiotic people are getting. Start using language. Like, how about a sign in my alley that says the following: Dude. Seriously? You’re in a damn alley. Slow the hell down.”
But of all the stupid signs I’ve seen, I think I found one that tops them all and takes the cake, so to speak. No offense, Haycomet. And no, Catina, it’s not the one that says “An OU fan lives here!” That one is pretty dumb. Living in Texas, telling people you’re an OU fan is likely to get you killed. But no, I think the dumbest one ever is the one I saw at McDonald’s that said, “Drive Thru Parking Only”. I don’t really even have a joke for this one. Well that, or “Do not tickle the buffalo”. That one was pretty good too.