Occasionally, I like to review things for you. Since SpaceBrew has become a trusted household name when it comes to consumer reviews and reports, I know you guys probably swing by here most times before you make a purchase. I, therefore, like to make sure and keep you posted on the latest, greatest and lamest. I have another of these today. Enter Slash.

Saul Hudson, better known as ‘Slash’ was a popular metal guitarist in the 80s when he played the guitar for Guns ‘N Roses. Seriously? Could they not have spelled out ‘and’ or at least used the ampersand? Come on guys. Anyway, he was a great guitarist, performing memorable and catchy licks to some of our favorite songs like Mr Brownstone and Sweet Child O’ Mine. Wait. Really guys? Too lazy to write one more letter? Good grief. Well, his popularity kind of diminished when GNR broke up.

So Slash started Slash’s Snakepit with moderate success. I don’t remember anything from it. Do you? Yeah, it was pretty weak. Then in 2004 potential brilliance hit us when Scott Weiland (formerly of Stone Temple Pilots) and he teamed up to form Velvet Revolver. They had a couple of hits. I purchased both their albums, and though they weren’t great, it was fun. It sounds like STP meets GNR. Seriously. It’s not bad though, because I like both of those bands. Well, Scotty left the band in 2009 to rejoin Stone Temple Pilots. Awesome, I say. I can’t wait until they release more greatness.

Anyway, Slash released a solo album this year. And since he apparently can’t sing, he got a whole bunch of singers to join him on the album, ala Carlos Santana. Only not quite as good. Let’s here, take a look at the track listing:

1. Sahara (English) – featuring Koshi Inaba
2. Paradise City – featuring Cypress Hill and Fergie
3. Mother Maria – featuring Beth Hart
4. Baby Can’t Drive – featuring Alice Cooper
5. Sahara (Japanese) – featuring Koshi Inaba
6. Beautiful Dangerous – featuring Fergie
7. Demo #4
8. Demo #16
9. Back From Cali (acoustic) – featuring Myles Kennedy
10. Fall to Pieces (acoustic) – featuring Myles Kennedy
11. Sweet Child O’ Mine (acoustic) – featuring Myles Kennedy
12. Watch This (live) – featuring Myles Kennedy
13. Nightrain (live) – featuring Myles Kennedy

So now let’s break this down. Apparently Slash thought he had himself some hot schlit there with that first track, because it reappears in slot five with the same vocalist, only in Japanese this time. I think I could listen to that song five times in a row and still not remember how it goes. It’s completely forgettable. But good enough for two appearances on the same album!

Then we have Paradise City in the spirit of Linkin Park. So Cypress Hill raps for a while, then Fergie screams the choruses. Yawn. Mother Maria comes next. And while I like this tune quite a bit, this Beth Hart chick has some serious shake voice. I hate that shit. When people are trying to force vibrato on vocal chords that don’t just do it naturally, it sounds fake, contrived and gay. Like that dude from Seven Mary Three? Yeah. Give it up dude. Just let it go. Beth Hart has some major “I need to make it sound like I have natural vibrato so people will believe I’m a singer” going on, and it just fails. Not to mention it sounds like she’s been smoking since she was four.

Track four is the Alice Cooper one. I didn’t even finish it. It wasn’t worth finishing. It sounded like some grab bag of instruments from a box of talent-free riff crackers. So we’ve discussed track five already. Meh. Track six – again, one of his new ones, but not even worth finishing. He likes this Fergie woman though. I bet he’s sleeping with her. Then we have track seven and eight, both called demos. Really? Dude, if it’s not ready for an album, or at least good enough for a title, leave ’em off! I obviously didn’t even listen to these two. If it’s not worth your time to title it, it’s not worth my time to listen to it.

Moving on, nine is Back from Cali. Don’t know what to say about this, but that it’s just not very good. And here begins the tracks with Myles Kennedy on vocals. I really like him a lot. Remember when Creed got rid of Scott Stapp? Yeah. They picked up Myles and formed Alter Bridge. He’s probably my favorite male vocalist. So I had high hopes for this album because of his presence on it. Which is why I gave it a run. Well, even he couldn’t fix the suck problem this album faced.

The next one is familiar. Fall to Pieces was the biggest hit from the first Velvet Revolver album. The lyrics are pretty damn ridiculous, but I like the song. And the guitar riff sounds a lot like the next song on this album, which is Sweet Child O’ Mine. Both of these songs are just regular renditions of the originals, only played acoustically. Nothing fancy, no change-ups, no new hooks or off-beat rhythms added. Just plain old playing through them. Yawn and double yawn.

Track eleven – finally getting to the end here – is a live cut of Watch This, which I’ve never heard. Well, I wasn’t impressed enough to finish it. And the same thing for the last track, which was a hit from the Appetite For Destruction. And Myles starts the song on stage by saying “Are y’all ready to ride the night train?” Sigh. Yawn. I’m starting to feel like Yanni here with all the yawning this album is inducing. But finally, the best part: it’s over. Thank God.

I ordered this from Amazon mp3, and I regretfully can’t get a refund since I’ve already downloaded them. But since I know a guy there, I’ve been hooked up with a gift card. The only problem is that it’s only worth the cost of the album. It’s not worth the time I spent suffering through this wreck, nor the little piece of my soul this thing ate away.

I really like Slash. I really do. He’s a great guitarist. But it now appears he has almost no creativity. There were what, five new songs on this album? And one was repeated – only difference being it was sung in a different language? Dude, come on. If you only have five new songs, just hang back and wait until you have enough to make a full album. We’re all kind of over the 1980s and all the hype that arose from the Guns N’ Roses hits. Really, do we need a new acoustic version of Sweet Child? Come on, Slash. Just let the 80s die man. We don’t need to keep reliving your GNR awesomeness. We remember.

My sister had something to say about the type of people who will probably enjoy this album, appropriately titled “Slash”:

People will probably eat it up, too. You know the ones with weird, overly colorful tattoos who wear sleeveless plaid shirts and have sticky underarm hair? They drink Pearl Light cuz it tastes good – not cuz it’s cheap, and they have orange shag carpet that makes it easy to pin them for the abduction of the doberman/rottweiler mix from the dude that took a bat to his 1984 POS brown pick up.

Well spoken, Sah. So here’s my final word on this album. Don’t. Well, if I can only say one word, that would have to be it. You can add whatever you want after that: download it, buy it, listen to it, trade a bag of caramels for a copy of it, waste your time with it, et cetera. Just pretent this one never happened, friends. It’s time I wish I could get back.