Check this out: I called Pizza Hut last night and asked for some pizza. The stuffed crust, which they got the monopoly on. The lady asks what the nearest cross street is to my house, and I tell her. She says, “Oh, well you have to call this number.” Click. So she shunned her responsibility.

A little perturbed, because I had waited on hold a few minutes – and every minute counts when you’re hungry – I called the other number. They took my order, then said, “but wait… Where do you live?” I said “off such and such.” He says, “east or west of it?” I said, “East, but right off it. Like five feet east.” Well, that didn’t matter. He told me I had to call this other place.

Now I was pissed. I said, “Bullshit. That number you gave me just told me I had to call you. Does no one want to sell me a damn pizza or what?” He said to call the other number, he assured me they were responsible for my area. To me this means they aren’t willing to work as a team. We are talking about the difference in about fifty feet of distance. And neither one wants to deliver me a pizza. Cork smugglers! What kind of crap is that? Look, whoever delivers it gets the money! That is what you are in this for, right?

So I was angry at this point. I hung up and called the first number again. I talked to the same snot. I said, “Hey, I just called that number you gave me and they assured me it was your area.” She kept saying, “No, I don’t think we deliver there, but let me check.” Then finally, she said, “Oh, we do deliver there. What do you want?” So I feel a little better having proved her wrong. I ordered and hung up. Forty minutes to go.

About fifteen minutes later, the phone rings. The driver was lost. So I told him how to get there. Didn’t matter. Ten minutes after that, it rings again. It was Pizza Hut. “Sir, your order has been transferred to another office. We don’t deliver to your area. I have transferred it to one that does.” I said, “Let me talk to a manager.” He was the manager. I let him have it. But he pawned off the responsibility and passed me to the other one. Are you getting mad with me yet? Damn, I was fuming.

So I called the other one, and talked to the manager. I said, “What the hell is going on there? What kind of business are you running that doesn’t want to send someone a pizza?” He simply said, “I’m sorry sir.” I said, “That doesn’t feed me though. Now I have to wait another thirty to forty minutes!” He explained that mine would be priority though. I said, are you gonna credit me, or give me a discount, or some coupons? Or throw in some breadsticks? No. “Okay,” I said, “next time I will just call Domino’s.” Fine. Click

The payback.

I don’t grab my ankles for anyone. And certainly not a business that is taking my money. If I am giving you my money, you better provide me the service you promise. You tell me “we don’t deliver to you,” then you better find someone who does. So I called Domino’s and ordered the same damn thing. Came out a penny different. So I scratched through Pizza Hut and wrote Domino’s on the check. And waited.

Finally, Pizza Hut shows up at the door, and I start grinning. I am so excited to stick that pizza up their ass. So I answer the door, and dude says, here you go. I said, “Sorry, I don’t accept deliveries from Pizza Hut. You will have to tell your manager to eat that one.” And I promptly shut the door. Now I did give the driver a few bucks for his trouble, but refused the pizza. Pizza Hut boy had sat outside in the parking lot for about ten minutes calling home base trying to figure out what to do. A few minutes later I ate some good ass Domino’s pizza and smiled the whole time.