Here’s my bitch: that 43-year-old woman in the UK who wants to die is petitioning on the Internet, trying to get the law changed because assisted suicide is illegal in the UK. You can get up to 14 years in the pen for helping someone kill themselves. But here’s the funny thing… Suicide is legal. What the what? Can I hear that again? Sure thing, Space. Suicide is legal. Woooohooo!!! Whoa! Thank God for that!

Yeah, well I quoted that from this article. Here’s the syntax, for those who don’t want to leave the site. “Suicide is legal in England, but helping someone else kill themselves is a crime under the 1961 Suicide Act, punishable by up to 14 years in prison.”

Suicide is legal in England. Where is it illegal? Someone wanna tell me what happens if it isn’t legal and I commit it? You gonna put my dead ass in the slammer and let me rot on the concrete floor?

So she wants to have assistance with her suicide because she is not physically capable of taking her own life. She’s paralyzed from the neck down. She is trying to get the law changed so her husband can kill her – so she can die and leave her husband and two children behind. What do you think about this?

I had an uncle who got? came down with? acquired? not sure the proper word to use, but he had Sjogren’s Disease. I’m not even sure of the spelling. But it basically stops your body’s ability to produce saliva. No more tears. Your eyes dry out. Your mouth dries out. It’s a very painful disease and I don’t know how anyone can live with it for any time at all. So yeah, he did for a while, then finally couldn’t take it anymore, so he went outside with his shotgun and ended it all. I can’t say I blame him, personally.

But he wasn’t leaving any children behind. He told his wife he was going to have to do it someday, he couldn’t live like this for long. He didn’t say when or what or anything, he just one day went out and did it. I don’t like the idea of suicide – I could never commit it, I’ll tell you that. But if I had that disease? I can honestly say that I don’t know if I would or not. I know I would probably want to in that case, but could I? Would I have the balls to do it? I just don’t know. Sad situation. But I think if someone wants to commit suicide and they aren’t physically capable of committing it themselves, they should be able to enlist help from a family member or something.

There should be a form you can download from congress.gov or law.com or something just like you can download divorce papers and wills. A suicide pact that puts your accounts under a power of attorney to someone else, and that someone has the right to help you end it all. Of course, it would have to be notarized, and maybe witnessed by a cop or something. But hey, if you can’t do it yourself, why not? It takes a real friend to be able to kill you though.

Or hey, how about a suicide service. Better than Kevorkian. This service will actually come out to your house and take care of it for you, then they clean it up and take the body away and everything. That sounds like a place I could work. And imagine the benefits…