The Great Canine Collision of 2004

Saturday, before I left the house, I let my dogs out in the back yard. Being a relatively nice day, I decided to step out with them for a few minutes. I was admiring the weather and the scenery (I live on a beautiful green belt). I have a fence that’s almost entirely see-through in the back, being made of what I call dog-wire. Much like chicken wire, but the wire is thicker and forms larger rectangles – great stuff for keeping dogs in but maintaining a pleasant appeal. It’s a very rustic looking fence, and – wait… You didn’t come to read about my fence…

Anyway, I saw a rabbit through the fence and decided it would be nice to let my dogs chase it away down toward the creek. My dogs are some fast mother bitches, but never have they come close to catching one of these rabbits. Well, I opened the gate and my dogs tore out like bullets, running right past the damn rabbit. They love to run in the greenbelt, where they can really stretch their legs and run for five or six hundred yards in each direction.

“Hunter! Come back here and get this rabbit!” I said, as I stepped out the fence. He turned and started arcing back toward where I was standing, and the rabbit bolted out of the brush, heading for the creek. Oh so predictable. And Hunter saw it this time. From his position, he’d meet the rabbit about halfway down to the creek, cutting him off at the pass. My heart raced as I thought he might actually catch him this time! He’s chased so many in his day. If he were ever to catch one, he’d surely sniff it real good. He started curving a little, noticing the direction the rabbit was running. Looking good.

Then Gracie, my other dog (who is actually faster than Hunter) sees the rabbit. Grace starts tearing across the field from her side, assholes and elbows. The rabbit was three quarters of the way to the creek now, and both dogs were about twenty yards from intersection. Yes! They’d surely catch that fuzzy cobbler this time! Ten yards for Hunter, five for Grace. Oh yeah! This is exciting shit! And just like a movie, both dogs were blind to all but that blurry bunny darting through the dead grass. Ka-Booom! The explosion of two dogs slamming into each other at near 30 miles per hour a piece was intense. Holy God, they hit hard. It sounded like – well, it sounded like two dogs hitting each other really really hard – yelps included. I thought for sure they would become one dog through some new form of science – Canine Fusion.

So I took off running toward them to make sure they were all right. Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, I kept muttering to myself. I must have looked like a pansy running down there with my arms flying all over the place, my eyes wide as rivers. And as I arrived, I noticed something peculiar.

Both dogs, as if the collision was nothing but a memory, stood there acting like the collision was nothing but a memory. Sniffing each other. No. Wait. Sniffing the rabbit. Oh shit – a pancake bunny! I took the last few steps up to the burning spot on the grass (apparantly they’d had some gas in them) and looked more closely at the rabbit. The rabbit which was sitting between them staring at the creek. Well, scratch that, they see out the sides of their heads. He was staring at my dogs, his nose moving rapidly as if he were sniffing them out as well. And they were circling this little rabbit, giving him the sniff of his life.

What is this shit, some animal commune? Suddenly there’s no more war and hatred in the animal kingdom? All animals have come to accept each other with no more racism? Or speciesism and breedism? Whoa. I knew Hunter wouldn’t hurt it if he caught it. He loves animals. I let him sniff the mice I feed to my snake all the time. But Grace, I didn’t know how she’d react. I did know, however, that if they caught the rabbit, the rabbit wouldn’t like them. But there he was, sitting there letting them sniff his cotton-tailed ass. Well, he was probably scared shitless, but all seemed to be right with the world, no less. A consonance had been achieved that brought a tear to my eye and a smile to my face. And when they finished sniffing him, they sort of started tracking away from the vicinity sniffing for DogPiss™. And the rabbit hopped merrily away, resuming his previous trek to the creek. The birds resumed their chirping, the breeze picked back up, and the sun started whistling a pleasant little tune.

“Come on dogs, let’s go get an ice treat.”


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1 Response

  1. SahSah says:

    Oh dear I am laughing out loud! The thing is I know you and I know how you speak so I can actually HEAR you saying these things and THAT makes me laugh…thank you – you have just added 8 minutes to my life :)

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