Is there a woman who can drive?

I had to miss work yesterday because of an injury. Let me tell you what happened. I (once again) was the victim of a CWDOCP – a Careless Woman Driver On a Cell Phone. Not a big deal, but it did render my vehicle undrivable this time. I was sitting at the intersection of my street and the main street, waiting patiently to get out of my neighborhood when a woman comes barrelling into the entrance, aiming for the wrong side of the median! It was obvious she had been going too fast, and since she didn’t want to set the phone down, she couldn’t stop fast enough, and rather than keep going and u-turn to come back to the entrance of the neighborhood, she decided to turn into the wrong side of the median. While I was there.

Her big ass SUV was too wide to fit and make it around the curb with me sitting there in my jeep. So she hit me. It tore the entire side of my car up and knocked my mirror off. When she finally came to a stop, she sat there for a moment, her truck basically parked in my back seat. Stupid bitch. So she puts it in reverse and tries to back up. I’m already clambering out the car on the other side, waving my hands, yelling at her to stop! She was still on the phone! When she finally realized she couldn’t move anywhere, she stopped, and I motioned for her to roll down her window. She held up a finger. Just a minute! Yeah, I’ll wait, you idiotic c-word.

After about five minutes she finally rolled down her window and said her husband was on his way. Great. This is beginning to remind me of the little Mexican kid who hit me about a month ago. Well papa bear shows up and is immediately pissed off. I’m just leaning against my jeep, watching while he surveys the damage, asking her what happened. Clearly, he’ll see what a dumb ignorant moron his wife was, and will start apologizing to me.

Wrong.

He approaches me all bowed up and says, “So you threatened my wife? You think you’re tough?” I looked at him, completely unsurprised and snorted. “Whatever dude. Your wife is the one who can’t control her vehicle.” This got him even madder. He says, “What’d you say?” Like he didn’t hear me. “Look, dude, I don’t care who you think you are, or how tough you think you are. You’re going to pay for this.”

“You know what, kid? I’m about to whip your ass,” he said, matter-of-fact. Ahem. “Okay, chief, step your ass up. But you’re still paying for my car.” He actually fronted. He stepped forward and – wait for it… I’m not kidding, you’re going to love this… Are you ready? He pushed me. Isn’t that supposed to be reserved for high school kids? The same crowd that yells, “Come on!” before a fight? So I grabbed his wrist on the way out and I brought it down to my knee and slammed his head against the back end of my car. His wife screamed in horror, then just stood there staring at him with her hands over her mouth.

I stepped away and called the police, and they sent a cruiser. While I waited, the husband got up and got in his own truck and took off. A crowd had gathered though, people standing in their yards – so I had witnesses. I told the cop what had happened and he sent his partner to the guy’s address to get him while he stayed talking to me and the wifey. After a few minutes, the cruiser showed back up and the guy was in the back seat! Handcuffed! Apparently he had resisted arrest. So he went to jail, and the wife was given a citation for reckless driving, another for driving on the wrong side of the street, and another for not having insurance.

So yeah, it was fun to break the guy’s nose, but I still got screwed because now they don’t have to pay for the damage to my car. So anyway – about my injury. I got back in the car and tried to move it out of the way. When I threw my arm over the door (through the window) a piece of steel that had bent up from the frame went right up my sleeve and stabbed me under my arm. I bled like a stuck whore for about nine hours. Well, on and off.

F WOMEN DRIVERS! AND F BURT!

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3 Responses

  1. Brandy says:

    A stuck whore??? Haha!

  2. Kinetic Kim says:

    You sure have been getting in a lot of fights lately, space. Maybe it’s not so much that the world is on the wrong side of the road, but that you are. Hmm? :)

  3. Kay Ray says:

    I just bought my first new car (this was 10 years ago).. new off the showroom floor (dodge neon). One morning on my way to work there was a city truck blocking my left turn and I had to go around it.. I was inching up to turn left while trying to gain site aroud the truck and BAMO i hit the passenger side door of the lady.. She jumps out “you kids drivng reckless.. I have only made two car payments on this and now its ruined”… and I said, “look here lady, I’m sorry my mom blessed me with young looking skin so thanks for calling me a kid, but my down payment hasn’t even been cashed yet” she was so pissed at me.. I was nice to her though because I had a feeling she was the type to come back three months later with neck, shoulder, back, feet, face pain of some kind and sue. anyway.. hope your ok now :)

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