Here’s a list of stuff that’s been occupying at least a small portion of my small mind over the last few days. I want to break them down and share them with you. Tell me what you think.
Have you noticed that both bras and batteries have a lettering system that kind of defies logic? Why is A the smallest bra size, but in batteries there is no A? There’s an AA and an AAA, but no A, and no B. And the AAA is smaller than the AA. In bras, there is a B, C and D. But instead of jumping up to E, it goes to Double D. Hell yeah. All you women wearing Double D out there reprazent! Let’s see ’em! Just kidding. But not really. Even though I kind of am, I kind of ain’t too. Know what I mean? I mean, like, if you want to sh– okay, okay, sorry. I went off on a tangent.
But why is there a Double D? Why not just make the Double D be the new E? And they should have AA as well. For the smaller chested women, you know. And maybe even a AAA. And why the hell are there no B batteries? I love the B size. I think it’s my favorite. So it would probably be my favorite battery too. All you women out there with Bs on your chest, lemme hear you say “YEAH!” Hell yeah. Send your pics here. Okay, okay, I’ll calm down. I don’t really even like boobs that much. Seriously. I’ve just been kidding with y’all.
Okay, so next, I was thinking about the concept of the drive-thru (which always pisses me off because of the spelling) and so I thought I would come write about what I thought. It takes longer to go through the drive-thru at some restaurants, especially during lunch time. And you look at like Chick Fil-A, it’s always faster to go inside. I always whip into a parking spot, walk in front of a red convertible Mustang full of cute girls wanting to show me their boobs. Hey girls! Woot! How ’bout them Bs! Hell yeah! And I’ll get my food and by the time I get back out, I’ll walk right behind that same Mustang. Like they’ve moved forward one spot.
Plus, I just like to get out of the car and go in anyway. (You would too if you drove what I drive. While my Jeep is in the shop, I’m driving this shitty Kia Rio. Well, my Jeep is in the shop. I mean, I have to go buy it from the shop when I’m ready to afford it again. That shop.)
But the real point that pisses me off about drive-thrus is how often they eff up your order. Seriously, the times you actually take the time to look in the bag and check your items, it’s always right. I should never have to check. That’s their one job is to put the right food in the bag. But the times I don’t, I’ll get six miles down the road before I learn they forgot the Sardine Jelly or the order of Rat Tails and Salmon Sauce.
And finally, Bacon Dispensers in public restrooms. They’re always out of bacon. Seriously? How hard is it to keep them stocked? I know it’s very popular, and everyone loves bacon, and – hey, why not grab some bacon on the way out! But really? I never get any. You would think law of averages would put me in that bathroom right after the bacon refill guy left at least once in my life. All I ever get out of those damn things is hot air.
But seriously, aren’t they leaving a step off of that thing? Every time I’ve ever tried to use one of those damn things, I push the button, rub my hands together under the warm air until it stops blowing, and then walk away drying my hands off on my pants. They’re useless. They talk a big talk, but in the end it’s just a bunch of hot air. Now Dyson has that shit down. Have you seen the ones they’ve been putting in the movie theaters? That shit just about blows your skin off your hands! But they get dry. Why can’t bathrooms just use paper towels though? Why these stupid machines that don’t work (Dyson notwithstanding).
I know paper towels get expensive, but it’s the best way I’ve seen so far to ensure a good dry, and then allow one to grip the bathroom door handle with the used paper towel, so as not to pick up any fecal matter on my hands on my way out. Speaking of that, did you know that the number one way of spreading fecal matter in restaurants is through the use of toothpick dispensers sitting on the front counter? Yeah. Unless they are individually wrapped, you’re basically picking up a fecal stick. You know why? Because nasty mother cobblers don’t wash their hands after they shit. So if you have some shit stuck in your teeth and need a toothpick, well, I guess I don’t even need to finish that joke.
So that’s all I have for today. Let me know what you think of all this. And go vote on the new poll in the sidebar of the front page. Have a good Wednesday, friends.