Nicotine Lollipops

Good day, Crater Faces. Another month is upon us, and another item of controversy has sprung up on the shelves. Every year we digress as a society, to the point of which we will finally become a sludge pit just like Palestine. Children are learning to kill at younger and younger ages, and all we do is feed it to them, on a shiny silver spoon we call television. In Europe they show nudity in commercials and on regular television. Here we show murder. Crime. Killing and rape, guns, drugs, and a whole slew of other bullshit that has somehow become acceptable. I’d much rather my children see a naked body than a dying one on television.

And don’t hand me that hogwash line “Well that’s the real world, Brandon”. Yeah, only because we make it that way. Anyway, to the point. This item I speak of is the latest development in smoking cessation. The nicotine lollipop.

That’s right. Some guy makes them in his drug store and sells them. I have several complaints about this. Number one, I think grown men have a tendency to look severely gay when sucking on a lollipop. Now that you got ’em off the smokes, they are hooked to this no doubt nasty-ass tasting lollipops that they look like homos sucking on. Number two, kids will find them. Kids will start sucking on them, and suddenly they will be addicted to the nicotine, in constant need of another lollipop. Their teeth will rot from all the sugar.

Can you imagine carrying around a stash of lollipops? “Hey, Steve, going down for a smoke?” “Nah, I’m going to have a lollipop.” I’m looking forward to this trend. It probably won’t last as long as a Michael Jackson nosejob though, so I’m not terribly worried. I just think it’s a really bad idea.

So why do I bitch about this stuff? There’s no such thing as white if you don’t have black. There’s no good without evil. No win without a loss. You see? I have to write about things that are sometimes controversial in order to maintain a sense of balance about the site. And I’m happy to do it. Well, except for people on the road. Don’t get me started on traffic.


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